Boundaries
Recently, I’ve been learning all about boundaries and how to protect my mental health. Boundaries are something that I don’t think about a lot, but they are necessary for me to implement.
I don’t know about you, but when I think of boundaries, I almost feel like it is a negative thing. You only hear people talking about boundaries when it’s a toxic relationship and someone in that relationship needs to protect themselves. But did you know that boundaries are what help our relationships be stronger than ever?
There are several books on boundaries, but by far, my favorite is Good Boundaries and Goodbyes by Lysa Terkeurst. This book has taught me that drawing boundaries from a place of love is what actually deepens your relationships and helps them grow into something beautiful. On the contrary, setting boundaries out of anger and bitterness will only lead to control and manipulation. It’s also taught me that boundaries protect the right kind of love, the kind of love found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, and help prevent dysfunction from destroying that love.
Here's an example of healthy boundaries. I bet you weren’t thinking I was going to tie this to horses, but spoiler alert, I am!
An average horse weighs 1000 pounds. How would it feel if that 1000lb animal stepped on your toes? Not good. I’ve been there, done that! You need boundaries when training and handling horses because they are massive animals that need to respect your space. Having a horse that walks all over you and is constantly in your bubble (not in a cute way) means that you lack boundaries in your relationship with the two of you!
Now, as someone who would identify as a people-pleaser, I am beginning to learn how to say no so that I can take care of myself. Too often, I put the needs of others above my own and end up self-sacrificing and not well. Also, as someone who has significant health issues, I’m learning how to prioritize my needs so that I can feel well physically and mentally. If I don’t take care of myself, I end up running wild until my body eventually stops me and says, “Okay, if you won’t stop and rest, I will make you stop and rest.” As Christians, we are supposed to treat our bodies as a temple, and ignoring our health issues and what our bodies are telling us is not doing that! I want to be better, and drawing boundaries can help me focus on what I need.
I want to encourage you to look at the relationships in your life and evaluate what boundaries you have set in place. Maybe you need to set boundaries. Maybe you have a family member or a friend that expects too much of you. Maybe you have someone in your life who is draining, and you just don’t have the capacity to give as much as they want.
Take a step back, and pray for direction. Ask God to help you draw boundaries and stick to them. Don’t let others make you feel bad for doing what you need to do. And always remember, healthy people will respect healthy boundaries!
Journal Prompt: If boundaries can be such a good thing, then why is it so hard to put them into practice? Have you ever found yourself sacrificing your own needs just to avoid hurting someone you loved?
Ref: John 13:34, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
