Part of My Story

Have you gone through some health issues, only for doctors to tell you everything is “fine” or “we don’t know what’s wrong with you.” Maybe these issues led you to give up something you're passionate about. If so, we have something in common!

As I was praying about which blog idea I wanted to write about for this week, God prompted me to talk about what I am currently going through and a piece of my past. Now, that wasn’t the most exciting news from God because what I am facing currently is difficult for me to talk about.

Over the past 15 years, I have had a constant battle with my health. In the beginning, doctors had no idea what was going on with me. I went to every specialist you could think of for years, trying to find answers. As the years went on, we began to get some answers, yet we are still searching for some to this day.

Those of you who know me know that I was a competitive athlete my entire life. During my first few years of high school, I lost (what felt like) all the oxygen in my lungs and couldn’t run anymore, not like the way I used to. I was forced to give up the love of my life, soccer.

After this happened, I fell into a deep depression because I felt like my joy was robbed from me for the rest of my life. I didn’t know where to go or who to turn to because that sport was my everything. You could imagine my confusion with God when I felt like the gift that He had given me was taken practically overnight. I faced humiliation from my former teammates and coaches and felt as if I didn’t know who I was anymore.

Then, in my senior year, my mom (who grew up with horses) took me on a trip where I went horseback riding with her for the first time. It was on that trip that I fell in love with horses, and it was on that day that God gave me a new passion that I could pursue. He is so faithful and so kind!

Since the passion for horses has come into my life, I have found a new purpose and a drive to further His Kingdom through the love of these magnificent creatures. They have helped me as I have walked through these health issues, and they are constantly pointing me back to my creator, my Heavenly Father. 

Now, since God prompted me to tell you all of what I am going through now, I must tell you. If I can relate to one person that reads this, it would all be worth it to me.

Every single day, when I wake up, I am not sure how I am going to feel physically. This leads me to feel anxious before the day even begins. I currently have two tears in each of my hips, and the pain from those hits me sporadically. Some days I can’t walk, other days I feel amazing. I also was recently diagnosed with severe endometriosis and am suffering symptoms from that. I have Chiari Malformation in my brain and face daily chronic migraines. I have asthma that flares up randomly and a disc degeneration in my lower back. Oh, did I mention I had back surgery for a bad herniated disc when I was 14? I also suffer from GI issues and pain from inflammation in my chest wall. I have such bad TMJ that my jaw will pop out of place when I open my mouth wide enough, and I have joint pain all over my body. I have been labeled many different auto-immune diseases, and on the flip side, I have also been told that this is all in my head. (Ironically, my Chiari Malformation that was found at a later date was quite literally “in my head.”)

I not only suffer physically but also emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I have to stay positive and remind myself that God sees me, hears my prayers, and understands what I am going through.

For me, it is a daily choice to choose to trust God, the “Ultimate Physician,” or to stay in my fear of the unknown and my confusion on why I have to face this.

If you can relate to my story, then I want to encourage you to choose the route of trusting God. He created you and I can promise you that He does not make mistakes. While my brain sometimes has no idea why He allows us to face these struggles, my spirit within me knows that it causes us to lean on Him and let Him do what He does best. I know that my season is temporary and I will find full healing, and I know the same is true for you, too.

The verse that has got me through the past 15 years of my life is, “The pain that you’re feeling now cannot compare to the joy that’s coming.” (Romans 8:18).

Journal Prompt:

Read Romans 8:18-30 (or all of chapter 8 if you’re an overachiever). Highlight or underline everything that stands out to you. Once you are done, journal what you believe God is speaking to you.