God, Where are you?
Having horses can be challenging at times. Not only do they physically exhaust you, but they can also be a mental and emotional battle as well.
Owning Levi has been such a blessing in my life. I am in awe that God chose me to look after him and take care of him. Even though it is a major blessing, it doesn’t mean that it can’t be extremely difficult at times.
Our most recent battle has been trailer loading. For those of you that don’t know, trailers to horses are like big metal shoeboxes on wheels. They are not exactly fond of going inside of them, especially because they are prey animals. This is where my struggle comes in. One day Levi will load inside the trailer just fine, without much effort at all, while other days he is a total maniac and refuses to even look at the trailer.
I find myself feeling torn down, defeated, and completely useless after a trailer session with Levi. This whole back and forth, one day he’s amazing, the next day he’s not, is exhausting! If I’m 100% honest with myself, I feel like I am not good enough when I fail my task at hand. The feeling of being a failure will distract me from resting in the truth of my identity in Christ.
Someone who struggled with this very same issue explained it like an abusive relationship. One day you and your horse are super connected and feel so in love, the next day he or she is beating you up emotionally refusing to do what you are asking. This can be draining physically, mentally, emotionally, and most definitely spiritually.
Why would God allow my horse to load up on the trailer just fine, and then the next day leave me with a horse that is completely opposing the idea whatsoever? I pray and pray and ask God to just please help with this process, to give both Levi and I a calm and confident spirit. Yet, my prayer goes unanswered. Why wouldn’t God answer my prayer when He knows how badly I need His help?
One of my favorite authors Lysa TerKeurst says, “God loves us too much to answer our prayer in any time but the right time, and in any way but the right way”. As much as we would love for Him to answer our prayers in our timing and in our way, we must trust that He knows what is best for us. He is the only one who can see the bigger picture, and if He has not answered your prayer yet, there is a beautiful reason why.
Friend, I encourage you to surrender all of your pain, heartache, and confusion to God. Leave it there at His feet and don’t pick it back up. If there is one thing I know for sure, God is good at being God. And when I choose to lean on that truth, my worry slowly fades away.
Remember, Jesus never promised an easy pain-free life, but He did promise us that He would never leave our side. And although you too might be facing a hard season of doubt, confusion, and frustration, rest in the truth that the God of all creation is with you through every moment. He loves you beyond measure, He hears every word you speak to Him, and in His perfect timing, He will come to your rescue.
Journal Prompt:
How can you look for God in the midst of your pain and frustration? What does surrender look like to you?
Ref: James 1:2-4
